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The Last Lesson

3/30/2016

2 Comments

 
“The ground began to shake.
The stone was rolled away.
His perfect love could not be overcome.
Now Death, where is your sting?
Our resurrected King,

Has rendered you defeated.”
Lyrics from the song "Forever" as sung by Kari Jobe. YouTube Video at the end of this post.
I cannot ever get through those lines without a roaring sea of emotions spilling out of my eyes. These lyrics always take me back to my mom’s bedside during her final days on this Earth. ​
My mom was my greatest teacher.
 
She taught me my abcs and my numbers in English and Spanish. She taught me how to tie my shoes. I clearly remember the afternoon she taught me how to round; we had just finished my regular math homework and she urged me to read the next chapter and let her teach me the new concept so that I could know all the answers in class the next day when the teacher introduced it. She taught me the “30 days has September” song for memorizing how many days are in each month.   During high school algebra, she taught me about Chief SohCahToa. She seemed to have a song or a rhyme for nearly every concept known to man.

But her greatest lesson was her last:

My mom taught me how to die.
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When she was diagnosed with advanced Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer at just 51 years of age and given 6 weeks to live, she remained clothed in strength and dignity. There she was, the tip of her nose rubbing against the very face of death, yet there was no fear. As the weeks went by, while her body weakened and she became frail from months without being able to sustain any solid food; as she looked in the mirror and saw the reflection of her mortality looking back at her, she did not despair.
 
When she died, comfortably laid up in that hospital bed, surrounded by those of us closest to her, it was as if she took the sting of Cancer, the physical pain of her disease, the anguish of her untimely departure and brushed it defiantly like dirt off of her shoulders as she walked into everlasting life.
 
The moment after she died, I remember being torn somewhere between collapsing in tears onto my husband’s arms or giving her a standing ovation.
 
She did it.
 
What I aspire to.
 
She lived well. She loved well. She gave it all. She pleased God. She honored her wedding vows til the death. She ran her race and finished well.
 
So much has happened to me since she left, both good and bad. One of the best pieces of advice I have received since my mother’s passing is to look for the good that has come from the situation because it is our promise that all things work for good to those who love him and are called by Him.
 
Before my mom’s passing I struggled with fear of death. Not in a normal, healthy way, but in a debilitating, irrational way.  No matter what was going on, in my head I could think of the most random scenarios that would result in my death. I often could not sleep for fear that something or someone was going to harm me. The fear was absolutely gripping. I would wake up stone-cold, my hands and feet sore from the tension, and shivers deep in my chest.
 
Leaving places at night and walking alone to my car, my heart would race and I would play a million scenarios in my head as to how I could be abducted and how I would try to fight back. 
 
I had trouble driving because I anticipated and expected a freak accident at every turn. Long trips required me to be pretty much sedated. If my husband went out of town on business, I would have to distract myself while he flew so that I wouldn’t come undone. The nights he was gone, I slept with the lights on, the TV playing, and a kid on my bed. Waiting for him to return home were the most excruciating long nights of my life.
 
This went on for years.
 
I thought I was strong because I didn’t allow the fear to paralyze me. I pushed back and lived as much of a normal life as I could in spite of it. But those close to me knew I was always afraid. In my heart, I knew that was not God’s best for me, I knew I ought to bring every thought captive. I did what I could. I prayed. I prayed a lot. And I guarded my mind. I was selective about what I watched and listened to. I tried to nourish my spirit and not feed my fears. And as I said, I didn’t stop living. But I yearned to be free.
 
When my mom went through her battle, I saw with my own eyes, from the front row seat, what it is to die. That experience, and the way she handled it, showed me that dying isn’t the worst thing that can happen to someone. Night after night, as I sat next to her through the endless hours, watching the nurses come in and out of her room, listening to the Doctors give bad report upon bad report, I was amazed by her poise, her strength. Never did she despair. Never did she lose hope. Never did she become bitter. And when she closed her eyes for the last time, she seemed so at peace. So sure of what was to come. So satisfied. It blew me away how such a frail and sickly body could also house such a powerful soul.
 
Never again have I feared death. For one, death means I will see my mom again. That’s a win.
 
But more importantly, I finally got it through my head that there really is nothing to fear. Jesus conquered death. Death is not the end. Death has been defeated. Death is a doorway. I knew that. I’d known that all my life. But perhaps I’m a hands-on learner.  Once I witnessed it, the power of living hope, I became free.
 
Now death, where is your sting?
 
The moment those words exit my lips I automatically feel absolutely badass! Yup, mom jeans, inkless skin, plain Jane haircut, and all.  What makes me fierce and a force to be reckoned with isn’t a tough girl attitude. It’s not that I do what I want without any apologies. It’s not what I drink or don’t drink. It’s not how I party. It’s not how I choose to style my hair or my clothes. It’s not how I adorn my body. It’s not where I live, how fat my bank account is, who I roll with, or how many followers I have on social media. It’s that through Jesus Christ, I have conquered that which tried to conquer me. Because He already defeated death, and I have accepted him as Lord and Savior, I am a rightful co-heir to the victory.
 
Today, I pray that through whatever experience necessary, God will free you from anything that has enslaved you. Whether it’s fear, pride, addiction, hate, or whatever it is. I pray that you will be able to stand face to face with that thing and say, “where is your sting?” I pray you will live as the conqueror you are through Christ.

Thanks for reading!
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Debunking Popular Beliefs About Abstinence and Purity

2/26/2016

12 Comments

 
Today, Eric and I are celebrating 11 years of marriage. Although I haven’t shared much about our relationship on this blog, that’s all about to change. You may or may not know that Eric and I chose not to engage in sex before marriage. Believe me, it was as odd and uncommon back then as it is today. We made a choice, though, and we stuck to it. In honor of our Anniversary, we’re getting a bit personal with you today and sharing some of the outcomes of that decision by debunking some of the most widely held beliefs about abstinence. 

​Popular beliefs about pre-marital sex and purity:

1. "It’s not a big deal."  "It’s just for stress relief."

FALSE. It is a HUGE deal. No matter how much our culture has tried to cheapen the experience by reducing it to a mere physical transaction, sex is still an incredibly spiritual experience. It is the joining of body and soul. If it were not, then rape would not feel so violating and painful. Intercourse requires you taking your precious body, which you vigilantly protect by eating healthy, exercising, keeping it clean, resting, etc., and sharing it with someone else. It requires bearing yourself emotionally to someone else. Anyone who says sex can be consensual and detached from the heart is lying to you and most likely also to themselves. Granted, over the years, with the moral decay of our culture, people have become comfortable with settling for an empty act, but don’t be fooled for a second into thinking sex was intended to be carried out that way. It breaks my heart to know some people find those types of interactions in any way acceptable or even normal. If this is your belief, I challenge you to value yourself more. You are indeed a big deal. And while yes, you are free to do with your body as you please, and yes, you are allowed to pleasure your body any way you want, remember that your heart is attached to your body. There are life-long emotional consequences for physical acts, regardless of how much people deny it. Is it any wonder the rate of adultery and divorce is so high? When you make a habit of treating sex as 'not a big deal' outside of marriage, the same will be true in marriage. A wedding ring won’t magically change your desires or perspectives, certainly not your habits. Practice respecting sex as the reverent gift that is, and it’ll be that much easier once you enter a marriage covenant. Oh and if you’re stressed, I recommend going for a run or playing some basketball.  

2. "What if you get married only to find out they’re not good in bed?"

TRUE. Yikes! I hate to be so honest in confirming your worst fears, but this may very well be true. I know this for a fact because neither my husband nor myself were any good in bed at the beginning of our marriage. We were passionate kissers, excellent snugglers, playful lovers, and spicy gropers, but when it came to the actual act, we were completely clueless. Both of us. Roll film to 11 years later and I’m not kidding you when I say that if we were secretly videotaped, it would be a national best-seller. (TMI? #sorrynotsorry.) When I overhear people talking about tips and tricks, I chuckle to myself thinking, “amateurs.” I glance at the Cosmo headlines and feel sorry for the people who consider that stuff “hot.”
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On our honeymoon. Don't be fooled by those pretty smiles. We were struggling.
The truth is that perhaps the start won’t be fun. I say perhaps because I have friends who also chose the way of abstinence and had steamy sex lives right off the bat. Unfortunately, I was not one of those. It took my husband and I over two years to really get to a point where we were detonating fireworks in our bedroom. I’m not ashamed to admit that in the least bit. Is there any other area in life where we are required to be experts from the get go? Would you give up piano lessons if you don’t play like Mozart on day 1? Would you give up voice lessons if you don’t sing like Adele after three tries? That seems unfair to me. It took lots of practice (not a bad thing), honest conversations, patience, thick skin, and true love for us to get to the point of “good sex.”
​
​Today, one of the hottest turn ons for us is knowing that we are custom made for each other. The type of intimacy we have developed by going through this awkward, but endearing process together is an integral part of our marriage. He knows exactly how to handle my body from head to toe. I know exactly how to get his blood pumping. He is a Debra expert. I am an Eric connoisseur. We could write manuals on one another. There are parts of me no one else in the world will ever have. What an honor to my husband to know no other man can look at him and think, “I’ve had your wife.” What an ego-boosting gift to me to know that I am the only one he knows. The only one he craves. The only one that has that kind of access to him. The only one that can make him weak. Trust me. I’m not missing out. I can’t imagine getting to our honeymoon and him busting out all kinds of moves. I would’ve probably wondered, “Where did you learn this? From who?” Yuck! The exclusivity we share is way more attractive than the myth of possibly finding something better elsewhere.  
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Sadly, I had lots of friends with that mentality. They believed they needed to experiment and make sure the person they thought they loved was good in bed before making a commitment. I, on the other hand, took my chances and settled in marriage with a guy who ended up not being “great” in bed right away. They decided to sleep around until they found one that excited them. 11 years later, the comparison isn’t even fair. Their terrible sexual encounters far outnumber their pleasurable ones. Add on heartbreak, STDs, children out of wedlock, and it’s truly sad to watch. Many are still alone, busting their behinds to make ends meet.

 
As humans, we often get caught up in the now moment (trust me, I’m a mom of three kids under 8; we come that way!). Often our inability to think long-term causes us to make poor decisions because they have initial benefits. Roads that start off as rough tend to deter us even if the destination is wonderful. Abstinence and possibly having to engage in a few sessions of boring sex isn’t exactly the kind of thing you want to advertise on the marriage pamphlet if you’re trying to attract people. Certainly not when it’s positioned next to the brochure that screams, “Do what you want! Experiment with your body! Don’t get stuck!” But trust me, the small print at the bottom of the flier will tell you that stuck is exactly what you’re going to get if you follow the second path. Like everything in life: you can be “free” now and pay the consequence for the rest of your life or you can establish boundaries for yourself now and be free the rest of your life. The choice is indeed yours.
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Our first anniversary, where things were much better than on the honeymoon. Our sex life was already looking up.

3. "Sex strengthens a relationship and takes it to the next level."

FALSE. In preparing for this blog post, I interviewed a number of people. High school teens, college students, and a handful of married folks. One comment in particular stood out to me above all the others. My beautiful friend, married for over 5 years to an adoring husband, confessed to me, “Debra, I feel like I’ve cheated on my husband.” The regret in her voice was so heavy the hairs on my arms stood up.  Her pain was too real. She is forgiven and redeemed, but she carries the knowledge that there are other men who have pieces of her that she wishes belonged to her husband. She doesn’t dwell on that, but it’s a fact. She went on to tell me how her parents expected her to move in with her boyfriend prior to marriage, because that was, at least in their eyes, the natural progression of a relationship. And so when her relationship was getting serious, she gave in to sex to move the relationship to the next level. Except, that relationship didn’t last. And so she did it again. But the next relationship didn’t last either. A few “serious relationships” later she realized giving into sex wasn’t strengthening her relationships, it was weakening her. Like I mentioned in the last point, at first sex may give the illusion of strengthening a relationship, but if you continue traveling down that path, you’ll find it dead ends in regret. Today, people tend to stick by their bad decisions and act tough because of pride, but with an honest, humble heart, I beg you, don’t believe the lies. If people were so happy with their no apologies, free-for-all approach to sex, they wouldn’t be as depressed, sad, lonely, and broken as many of them are.

​4. "Not having sex before marriage will guarantee a great marriage."

FALSE. Not having sex before marriage guarantees nothing. The truth is there is no list you can check off to ensure a pleasant marriage. It is possible, and it has happened, that people who wait until marriage to have sex end up stuck in loveless marriages, have affairs, or get divorced. The act of not having sex before marriage doesn’t mean anything by itself. Marriage requires two people dying to themselves daily and choosing to make it work by putting the other’s happiness before their own. The beauty of purity in body is that it goes hand in hand with purity of the heart. You can abstain your body all day long, but if you don’t restrain your mind and heart, the sacrifice is in vain. Purity works when it’s an exercise in denying yourself. In a culture that equates happiness with doing whatever you want with no apologies, (which if you know me, you know that’s how I define chaos/rebellion), denying ourselves is considered alien, perhaps even self-hating.  Yet, denying ourselves is the very root of a healthy and long-lasting relationship. 
 
Early in our marriage, my husband and I found ourselves being defensive toward each other. I was looking out for myself and he was guarding his own. One day, we realized we couldn’t go on that way. We had a wall-smashing ceremony of sorts, where we dropped our guards and committed to trusting the other fully and never looking after ourselves again. I believe the character we developed from saying no to ourselves during our engagement played an important role in us being able to do that. Bulldozing over that great wall was tough. And I mean TOUGH. It went against the very fiber of selfishness and self-preservation taught in our culture but it has brought us great peace. I believe with all my heart that my husband is for me. That every decision he makes is with my best interest at heart. That anything he does wrong was not intended to hurt me. I trust him completely as he does me. I feel confident in that choice because I remember seeing the burning desire in my husband’s eyes and watching him exercise all the self-control in the world to walk away from me. I respect my husband and admire him for his ability to rule himself. I know first hand that my husband’s emotions don’t run him. His integrity does. If he had never shown that character trait to me, I would probably have a hard time trusting him today. He had a choice, “Do I succumb to my desires and enjoy her today or do I earn her trust and respect for a lifetime?” He probably didn’t know it at that point, but that’s exactly what has happened in our lives.

5. "No one can wait that long."

FALSE. I did. Plenty of others have too. It’s possible, and looking back, it wasn’t that bad. Again, when the mountain is right in front of you it seems insurmountable, but in hindsight it’s only a hill. The wait is worth it. People tend to think that marriage kills romance, so they desperately try to have all the fun they can before getting married, but for us it was the complete opposite. We let our desires sleep until they were awakened and unrestrained in marriage. Now, eleven years later, we have even more energy and passion for each other than we had in the beginning. (perhaps because the sex is better, Lol!) I get so excited when I hear people passionately dream about the kind of marriage we have (filled with peace, love, trust, and joy) but then disheartened to find out they are just as passionately opposed to the steps we took to get there. It’s as if they want to walk downhill and magically arrive at the top of the mountain because walking uphill is too hard. 
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This Love...
So worth the wait.

There are those who will disagree with every single one of my claims. They will refute everything I believe. They have that right. They are free to publish their beliefs on their own blogs or publications. While I do not believe my way is the only way to achieve a wonderful marriage, I personally have experienced it to be the best way. I’m free from regret, free from pain, and free to have a clean conscience. I believe this to be just as true in 2016 as it was in 1946 as it will be in 2026. Society's views may change, but truth is truth. You can judge that by looking around at the results. My way is one of the many ways available and I will stand by it to the end, but ultimately the choice is yours. I pray that my words have at least caused you to think outside the box. 
I’m always interested in reading other people’s stories and journeys. Please share your experiences in the comments.
 
If you saved yourself for marriage:
How did you do it? How has your marriage benefited?  We want to hear your wisdom!
 
If you did not wait until marriage:
How has God healed you? Do you have any regrets? We want to learn from you!
 
If you are interested in the idea of abstinence:
What questions do you have? We want to encourage you!
Thanks for reading!
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12 Comments

2016 Reflections and Goals

1/1/2016

0 Comments

 
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Happy New Year!!!!

I'm a firm believer in New Year's resolutions. I make them every year because even though the first relapse usually happens mid-January, my life has improved in some way each year partly because of them. For me, resolutions are not just a list of rules I am now going to try to live by. I don't measure my worth or success by how well I adhere to my resolutions. Sitting down to make a list of goals automatically sets me on the path of self reflection, evaluating my actions, considering my values, and prioritizing my life. It also gives me a chance to start the year with a sense of expectation "great things are coming," and empowerment, "I can do this!" It's glorious. 

When the kids came along, I decided to teach them the lost but life-saving art of self-reflection.  We have been doing our own version of the resolutions as a family for a few years. The kids love it! They hang on to their worksheets and refer back to them throughout the year. I enjoy seeing their excitement every time they accomplish a goal or do something they had planned. I also absolutely love when I hear them reflect on their progress or struggles with personal behaviors. It's awe inspiring to listen to kids being honest, yet confident, even in their shortcomings.

tonight, we will be working on our sheets after dinner. Hopefully, your family will join us. I'm sharing our free printable 2016 Reflections and Goals sheet for you to use. Simply download, print, give one to each family member to fill out (little ones can do it as an interview), then take turns reading them aloud. You'll enjoy a refreshing time of listening to each other's heart and have an opportunity to encourage one another.

When you do, be sure to upload photos to Instagram and tag @averagemeetsamazing or use the hashtag #AMANewYear
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Christmas Just Right

12/17/2015

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 Have you ever had an idea of how things should be only to realize, once things were finished, that’s not what you wanted at all?
 
For our family, this Christmas season has been exactly that. We’ve been playing a game of trial and error. We set out to do things like we’ve always done them: a huge tree, bright stockings, fancy linens on the table, and over the top décor. But each time we completed a task, we felt our hearts weren’t in it. With everything we've been through over the past 2 years, our family has learned to truly value the little things in life. It quickly became apparent to us we were craving something different. Something simpler. It was as if there was a whisper calling us to meditate on the simplicity of the Christmas story. To keep it authentic. 
The Tree
As soon as we returned home from our Thanksgiving travels, the first task at hand was acquiring a tree. This year we decided to skip the store and go straight to the farm. Excitedly, the kids and I headed over to the local tree farm where we were supposed to meet Daddy after work to pick out and cut down our very own tree. After walking around and waiting for an hour, I anxiously called my husband to make sure he was close by. He informed me his meeting went long and he was still at work. At that point, it was already getting a little dark and tiny droplets of water were drizzling down.
 
By the time he arrived at the farm it was well past sundown and a few minutes shy of closing time. It was also storming. The scene was so chaotic and pitiful, it was actually funny. “You can’t make this stuff up!” Is what my husband likes to say. We laughed and snuggled up under the umbrella as we walked through the pitch black fields using our cell phones as flashlights but trying to keep them from getting wet. We finally found the tree I had picked earlier with the kids (or so I thought), and my dear husband, in his fancy work pants and leather shoes, laid down on the swampy ground to cut down this tree for his family.
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If that had been the end of the story, it would be sweet. But it’s not.
 
We got home and realized the tree was all wrong. It was massive. It was so tall that the top was bending against our ceiling, and so wide it took up half of our living room.  We tried trimming the bottom, but the branches were so spread apart and uneven, cutting it made it worse. Every time I glanced at the tree, I squirmed. ​
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The Stockings
For years, our house has been Christmas Eve Central for our extended family. We put together gingerbread houses, bake cookies, and open stockings. For a long time we’d had mismatched stockings. But two years ago, I bought an entire collection of bright and colorful matching stockings for everyone. This year, I pulled out those stockings and lined them up on our mantle.
 
And I hated them.
 
Whenever I walked by them, I tried to look away, because maybe if I didn’t see them, they wouldn’t bother me as much. But they still bothered me. They bothered me even when I wasn’t looking at them. Even the stocking holders bothered me. But there was nothing I could do because I certainly didn’t have the budget to purchase new ones. 
The table and other décor 
After having bad experiences with both the tree and the stockings, I was afraid to even attempt to go on. I knew I needed to have a heart to heart with myself about why I wasn’t loving anything and what it was that I wanted instead. I didn’t even bother pulling out my lime green polka dotted runner or my tinsel trees. I had tubs on top of tubs filled with Christmas decorations I knew I wasn’t going to use.
 
I felt guilty because I wanted to reuse what I already owned and I didn’t want to waste money, but I needed all of us to be happy with our Christmas set up.  This year, there has been a pull in all of our hearts for simplicity. After all the loss we’ve experienced these past two years, the simpler things in life have become incredibly appealing to our family. This year, the desire of our hearts is to not only celebrate the birth of Christ as we always do, but to zoom in on the nativity. We always focus on 

The Repair

So, I cut my losses and decided to overhaul our décor. I dumped the tree and got a new, much smaller one. In fact it was so small, it fit right into a little wooden basket. It was so quaint; it was perfect!

​The moment we brought that tree into our living room, we all knew this was the right one.  In fact, we didn’t even feel a need to decorate it much.

When I thought about where I could go to find a few simple, rustic, Christ-centered pieces, there was only one place I could think of: Family Christian. 

At Family Christian, I found a variety of beautiful, wooden ornaments. Each ornament was visually different, but shared the same Christmas message I was looking for. I especially loved the ornaments with lines from my favorite Christmas songs.
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At the store, I also found this gorgeous “JOY” sign. It was the perfect statement piece for our living room. The sign has a variety of textures and neutral colors, wonderfully carrying the rustic theme through the house. I paired the sign with a nativity set and a star I already owned. Above the display, my husband used fish line to hang a natural branch for me. With two boys, there is never a shortage of sticks and rocks in various sizes around my house. This one was my oldest son’s  “Moses Staff.”  I attached a few simple stars and wrapped an old metal garland around it. The finished look is exactly what I was going for. 
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On the bookshelf beneath that display, I knew I wanted to display Christmas cards. Photo cards are one of my favorite Christmas traditions. Receiving updated photos from friends and family is always a treat. In years past, I have created some over the top displays for the cards, but this year a little chicken wire (leftovers from a friend’s kid’s science fair project) and three small strips of wood did the trick. My husband, again, went to town creating this fabulous frame for me.  I filled this adorable basket in buffalo plaid with scented pinecones to add a simple yet fragrant touch to the display.  A nativity frame I scored on clearance at a random bookstore earlier this year finished up the look.
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​As for the stockings, I dug up a few old burlap sacks I had left over from a friend’s birthday party. I had exactly nine of them! I hot glued some details on the sacks to make them pretty and hung them up on the existing stocking holders. I tried to buy new, plain holders, but they were so expensive, I ended up buying this garland for $4 instead and covering up the old holders. On either end of the garland, I added these gorgeous Rustic Christmas glitter jute topiaries from Family Christian because, let’s be real, it wouldn’t be me with there wasn’t any glitter. What I love about the topiaries is that they bring in the glam in a rustic and understated way. I didn’t even know that could be done! The last details of that section were the little chalkboard tags, perfect for labeling the “stockings,” since they all look pretty uniform.  
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On the dining table, I filled an oversized wooden dish we received as a wedding present over 10 years ago with pinecones, snow, mini ornaments, red berries, and a candle. No linens, just the dish. But, believe me, that’s enough to catch the kids’ eyes every time we sit at the table. The mix of items and textures makes it interesting to look at. 
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​Lastly, a few days ago the kids and I created some simple Christmas Terrariums using artificial snow and miniature village pieces. They appreciate seeing their crafts on display around the house.
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When I sit back in any room of the house now, I’m delighted that I get to spend Christmas season there. It may have taken us a few tries, but it turned out just the way we needed it to be this year. For us this year less has definitely been more. More enjoyment, more memories, and more giving. We have been able to enjoy the simplicity of the story of Christmas in a vivid way. Perhaps another year, we'll choose to celebrate in grand style again, but for us, this year, simple is just right.
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Christmas Wall Collage and Handprint Tree DIY

12/15/2015

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Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. Although I've teamed up with Family Christian to bring you beautiful ideas for your Christmas decorating, the ideas and opinions expressed in this post are solely my own. 
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Is it crazy that one of my favorite things about the Christmas season is the fact it’s so busy? It forces me to organize myself in order to make it through with minimal stress. The benefit of the organization is that I have to reflect and prioritize what’s important to me. In a way, I have no choice but to be intentional about what I do with my time, which is a wise practice all year long, but especially at Christmas time.
 
Each night, our family has been connecting on some level. We’ve been going out together, reading together, crafting together, cooking together, serving others, or snuggling to watch a movie. We’re making memories our way all month long.
 
This handprint Christmas tree painting was so easy to make, anyone can do it. 
 ​Materials:
Green Paint
Brown Paint
Foam paintbrush (optional)
Gold glitter paper
People with hands
Blank Canvas (available at craft stores. I used size 16x20)

Crafter's tips:
-Turn the kids' clothes inside out to avoid stains.
-Cover work area with old newspapers
​to minimize mess.
​

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 Step 1
Squirt some green paint onto a plate. Using the foam brush, apply paint onto the palms of child’s hands, or just put a few drops of paint on their hands and rub together.
 
Step 2
On the blank canvas, impress 4 of the child’s handprints on the bottom row of the tree. Continue making handprints in the shape of a Christmas tree (one less per row), until you reach one handprint at the top. If you have multiple children, position the handprints from biggest to smallest beginning at the bottom of the canvas.
 
Step 3
Take a cute picture of the kids with green paint on their hands.
 
Step 4
Cut out a star from gold glitter paper. Glue to top of tree.
 
Step 5
Use brown paint to add a tree trunk underneath the handprints.

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​The kids had a blast making this tree. They are so proud every time they walk by the frame with their handprints on it. A wonderful way to make them feel included in the (often adultish) décor. 
​I paired my keepsake canvas with a gorgeous plaque from Family Christian that reads “O Come Let Us Adore Him.” The rustic charm of this frame was something I could not pass up when I saw it at the store. The neutral colors of the print allow it to blend nicely with any holiday décor.
 
Underneath that picture I added another double opening photo frame, which I also found at Family Christian. I was attracted to its durable quality and the unconventional 5x5 photo size. Most of my social media photos are square, so it was nice to have a frame with a square opening. 
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​I finished off the photo collage with a piece of canvas art I designed. Since we are going with a rustic Christmas theme this year, I sent the kids out to gather sticks and stones (something they were only too happy to do for me). Then, I painted the background and glued the sticks in the shape of a stable and a manger. Last, I added rocks to represent the people.
 
{Average Moment} I spilled a drop of hot glue onto the canvas right above the manger. I thought I could just peel it off when it dried, instead it made a tiny hole on the canvas, thus the star right above the baby. The star actually looks like it was supposed to be there, thankfully. Crisis averted. 
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​I love how the art turned out and even more how it looks on the wall with the other Family Christian frames. Wall collages are very popular these days, for good reason. They make a bold statement on the wall and allow you to mix and match various art mediums in one place.
 
Let me know on social media if you try out either one of my canvas projects. @avergaemeetsamazing on Instagram and Facebook.
Merry Christmas and Happy Crafting!
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Christmas Countdown 6-10

12/11/2015

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Day 6

On day 6, the kids woke up to Skatie's toothpaste mess on the bathroom mirror. They're not sure what to make of her antics yet. My girl keeps scolding me about being wasteful. She is no fool. That evening, my dad came back into town after being gone for a week. We skipped the calendar and went out to eat with him because that always comes first. 
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Day 7

Since we skipped the previous day's activity, we decided to do two on the 7th. We made chocolate and strawberries Christmas trees and also watched a cheesy Christmas movie. Skate gave the kids quite the laugh transforming their school pictures with Rudolph noses.
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All snuggled up, ready to watch our movie.
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Skatie's antics keep the kids laughing.

Day 8

Our schedules have been super swamped with life's responsibilities. We are each involved in a couple of teams which meet to practice several times a week. Tuesdays are our later days, so we opted again for a book reading. The Polar Express is one of the kids' favorites, so when I saw this book, dvd, and bell set on clearance at the end of the year last year, I knew it would come in handy! Skate had a blast too in the kids' playroom. She put happy face stickers on every toy that was left out of place. The kids were not amused by her today, though. Lol!
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Day 9

Remember when I said I only had enough envelopes for the first 8 days? Well, I bought more envelopes, but then I couldn't find the rest of the cards to save my life. So, we just ate dinner and put the finishing touches on our Christmas decor before calling it a night.
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Skatie's humor didn't go over well with the rest of the toys.

Day 10

I found the cards and all is well, but I was tired and decided not to move the elf. I didn't forget, I CHOSE not to move it. I figured, yesterday was the first time I'd put it within the kids' reach. Somebody must have touched it, even if just accidentally. Sure enough, as soon as they woke up and saw the elf in the same spot, one of the kids confessed to having touched it out of curiosity. All is still well. Ha! 

The kids and I made simple terrariums to add to our indoor decor. Useful, easy, and fun!
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Thanks for reading!
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Christmas Countdown 1-5

12/6/2015

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The silly elf found it's way into our home. I had avoided that thing like the plague for two reasons: 
1. I didn't want to pay $30 for a stuffed doll. 
2. Move the thing every single night? Ain't nobody got time for that!

Well, maybe three reasons: 
3. The thing is SOOOO creepy looking!


But Alas, like all wonderful (and twisted) aunties do, my sister thought it would be "fun-ny" to buy one for my kids. So I surrendered. Honestly, I secretly love it. Don't tell my sister. She got us a girl and we named her "Skate" because my son is into skateboarding now so, why not?  

​Skate gives me an excuse to unleash my little girl side and have some fun while watching my kids bubble with excitement. It's funny because my kids know Santa isn't real. They know the St. Nicholas story, they know we buy the presents, they know the North Pole is a myth, but every year they play along. It works for us. I would never be able to lie to my kids. I feel too silly. But we all wink at each other and play pretend about Santa just like we pretend with superheroes and Barbie dolls.

So for this season, along with the countdown activity, I will bare my own struggles with the infamous Elf on the Shelf.

Day 1

I could hardly contain my excitement on Day 1. Sadly, I was completely not ready. I left my Countdown Calendar sacks in South Carolina when we went to visit my husband's family over Thanksgiving and I could only find 8 matching envelopes around the house. Our display was incomplete, but all we needed was Day 1. The good thing is that the only person who actually cares about the display is me. Everyone else just wants to have fun. Whew!

On Day 1 we read a book about the legend of the candy cane. I'd found this book at Books a Million a few weeks ago on clearance for $2. I thought it would be the perfect way to kick off the holiday since December 1st fell on a Tuesday, which is a late night for us due to various practices. I hadn't bought any candy canes, but my aunt sent them home with a few extras over the Thanksgiving weekend, so that's what they ate. They  were delighted. 

​And I was just happy to snuggle with all of them while Daddy read us the book.
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Our elf "Skatie" arrived!!!

Day 2

The calendar activity for December 2nd was canvas art. I found a set of 4 - 16x20 canvas at Michael's for $11.99 plus I had a coupon for 50% off, bringing my total down to $6!!! We browsed inspiration photos on Pinterest and let the kids each choose one. I worked with Zia and Eric worked with Joa. Miles just ran around the house and made a mess while he waited for his turn. I was so proud of how these turned out from just looking at a photo, no instructions. Family collaborative projects are the best! 
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The concentration is serious for the boys.
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Skatie cracked up the kids by roasting marshmallows on a candle.

Day 3

December 3rd is my niece's birthday. Every year we pause our calendar activities to focus on her. This year was extra special because she became a teenager. we celebrated her, then we had a dance party, and watched a movie. Easy, simple, memorable. 
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Skatie teaches the toys an important lesson.

Day 4

My sister was in town and we like to be spontaneous so, we switched out our calendar activity for a generic "We're going out" card and headed off to Sea World for their Christmas festivities. We arrived at the park 7:30pm and left at 10:30pm, but we packed all the fun we could handle into those three hours.

One of the highlights of that trip has to be when the kids met an elf who told them she met Skatie at Elf on the Shelf training camp. She described her to a T (brown hair, swooped to the side...) The kids were in shock. Lol!  
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We found Skatie up on the curtain rod, watching a movie and eating popcorn.

Day 5

After all the fun we had this week, Mommy and Daddy needed a rest. Again, I switched out the card (so glad I don't seal my envelopes!) and we chose to share our Christmas wishes for the world. I intended this to be an easy time filler, but the kids blew my socks off with their prayers. One prayed for a Cancer cure, the other prayed for an end to human trafficking. Praying together is always so powerful. Their faith inspires me. 
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We'd had a tree in our living room for a few days without any decorations so Skatie put toilet paper all over our tree to help us out.
We thrived during our first five days. We made lots of memories even though we had to be flexible to make it happen. For us the important thing is connecting as a family and having meaningful discussions about what Christmas is.
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Christmas Countdown Calendar - Giveaway

11/24/2015

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The list of reasons why Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday is a mile long. 'Tis the season of giving! What's not to love about remembering God's greatest gift in Jesus, giving presents, spending quality time with our families, decorating the home, and creating life-long memories? My love of Christmas extends well beyond my enthusiasm for entertaining. It's more than just another excuse to celebrate. It is the very reason I have joy in all of my other celebrations.

Even before I had kids, I tried to make Christmas special for my family. Once the kids were born, it went to another level. Then Pinterest entered the scene and the rest is history. Over the past few years, I've spent countless hours browsing blogs, collecting ideas, trying out recipes, researching movies, tracking down books, and finding new games to add to our Christmas traditions. Our kids cherish each one of these activities we do together and they look forward to them every year. As a home educator, I regularly create curriculum for my children. The Christmas Countdown Calendar is essentially a family holiday curriculum. 

When I post about the things we are doing, many parents express that they would love to be able to do those kinds of activities with their families but that they don't have the time to plan ahead. It pained me that people were missing out on fun because of life's responsibilities. I immediately knew I had to help. After all, this is what Parenthood is all about. This is how we look after one another. We all have different strengths and talents that we bring to the table. This is my strength. I'm a planner. I believe all families should be able to enjoy their holidays this way if they so desire, even if the parents don't have time to sit down for hours and plan. 
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When planning this year's calendar, I took into account several factors:

Time - With the various work schedules, families often barely have one or two hours of solid quality time each evening. That's why my activities are designed in a way that they can be completed at the dinner table as an extension of dinner. Some activities can be incorporated into the bedtime routine. At any rate, unless you are doing a planned outing, most activities can be done in a short span of time.

Budget - When I looked at activities I kept a close eye on the materials list. Most activities can be completed with items you already have around your home or with minimal purchases. I also chose activities where the materials could be reused. When the goal is to make memories, simplicity wins.

Moods & Personalities - There are 5 activity ideas in 8 different categories. That is a total of 40 activity cards for a 24-day period. There will be days when you are energized and ready to tackle the world. On those days, you take on an artsy craft, or have a dance party. Then, there are days when you don't really feel up to much. Those days are coloring or "snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie" days. Some days, you have to finish some responsibilities. Those days you read a quick book before bed, or hand them a sheet of Christmas stickers. No matter what mood you are in or what personalities are in your family, there is something for everyone.

Age Ranges - Families are all unique. I chose to make photo cards so that young children could see what adventure awaits that day without having to rely on a parent to read it for them. The activities I chose this year can be completed at different ability levels. A canvas painting, for example, can be enjoyed by both young children or tweens at their own level. 

Meaning - While each year I choose activities that set the family up for bonding, this year I paid close attention to how meaningful these activities are. My personal theme this year is simplicity, so I wanted to make sure the activities centered around giving, creating, and savoring. The calendar includes 24 advent scripture cards. I searched through the Bible and chose prophecies from the Old Testament as well as their fulfillment in the New Testament leading up to the birth of Jesus. One card can be added to each envelope and read before each nightly activity. Another one of my favorite new features this year, is the Kindness category. Families are encouraged to engage in giving back through acts of kindness and service.
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What I love most about the calendar is how easy to personalize it can be. Each family can make it their own by adding their own unique touch. ​A mom who used the calendar last year shared with me that she had the children open the envelope in the morning before school and that her kids were excited all day looking forward to get home and do their activity together. 

I'm happy that I can share what I've so passionately worked on for you to enjoy with your family.

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​To kick off this season of giving, I'm giving away 3 copies of the
2015 Countdown Calendar. 
Enter today!

Entry-Form
All of the above photos are from the 2014 Countdown Calendar and are not included in this year's files. Those calendars are available upon request.
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{Passionate Lifestyle} A Simple Touch

11/19/2015

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Eleven years ago, right around this time of the year, I was attending pre-marital counseling sessions with one of my beautiful Pastors. I will never forget the day we discussed setting up and maintaining an inviting environment. She went on and on about all kinds of details, while I smiled and nodded my head with no intention of following her advice.

One of the things she encouraged me to do was to always keep fresh flowers in the master bedroom. I vividly remember those words because in my head, if I had been drinking something, I would've spit it out from laughing. I was so fiesty back then. Not that I am any less fiesty now, but I'd like to think I've learned a few life lessons between then and now. I began to rant, to myself of course, even my younger fiestier version knew better than to smart off at a Pastor. Who did she think I was? What year did she think this was? Who was going to waste money of flowers that regularly? For what? Flowers just die! 

For the first half of our marriage, not only did I not purchase flowers, I didn't even want them. My poor husband kept hearing all this advice about buttering up your wife with flowers but it didn't work for him. 
A few years ago, however, I began to actually enjoy flowers. I even started looking forward to getting flowers. After losing this precious Pastor and my Mom within a 2 year period, suddenly delicate things begged for my attention. Little things, such as fresh flowers, demanded my admiration. 

Over the past year, I have been radically changed in that area. I planted a flower garden with my baby girl in the back yard and I have been buying fresh flowers for our home every other week. ​
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I grab my indoor bouquets at Publix Supermarket where they are priced just right at 3 for $12. Hydrangeas are without a doubt my top choice for my room. Not only was it my wedding flower, but I love how the two blooms continue to grow and expand. They don't have much of a scent, but they transform the room visually. As long as I keep changing the water, they can last much longer than two weeks. 

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This Fall I've been crushing on sunflowers for my dinning table. I found an extra tall glass cylinder at the Dollar Tree and immediately knew I wanted to use it to add height drama to our open concept floor plan. The tall sunflower stems pair perfectly with the cathedral ceilings. The table sits right by the window and I'm convinced they beam with light. 

To complete the 3 for $12 deal, I like to buy a seasonal mixed arrangement to place near the entryway. I don't have to buy all three bouquets to get the deal, but I can't resist.
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I have to admit that nurturing these plants hasn't felt like an inconvenience at all like I thought it would eleven years ago. I actually find it therapeutic. I love seeing my husband notice when I change the flowers out, he would never admit it, but he loves them just as much. The kids notice and enjoy them too. I never thought something as simple as fresh flowers all over my house, for an average cost of $6 a week, would have such a pleasant effect on my family. Our master bedroom feels more romantic, our dinning room feels happier, and our living space feels more inviting. 

With the holidays around the corner, I can't wait to dress up the house with fresh, natural floral arrangements! 


My stubbornness (and practicality) might have caused me to miss out on this secret for the past eleven years, but I'm looking forward to a future that involves me appreciating the small things in life. ​
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Do you love fresh flowers? How do you incorporate fresh flowers into your decor? I want to know, please leave a comment.
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Veteran's Day Cards

11/11/2015

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Today is Veteran's Day. This holiday is always special to us because my dad served in the Vietnam War. He received a Purple Heart for losing a leg in battle. This year it's even more special because it is the 50 year anniversary of the Vietnam Era. 

I hope you will take a moment to think about our military and have a conversation with someone about it. I whipped up these cards for my children to hand out to any Veterans they spot while we are out enjoying the festivities today. You can download your own copy at the bottom of this post. 

They are super easy to use. Just print, cut and fold.  You can add a personal note or draw a picture. A simple gesture can go a long way for these men and women who courageously volunteered their lives for our country's honor. 
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    Hi! I'm Debra, an average girl with an amazing God teaching me about true value. I stand in awe of what He can do with ordinary people who are willing to be used. Thank you for visiting my blog. I hope you are encouraged by something you read here today.

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